Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
