This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
two words: eviction party
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
