I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
