I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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