I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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