she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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