Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
