just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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