oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
