it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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