I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The power of my boobs compel you
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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