Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I came so hard my ears popped.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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