so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
