You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
