it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
