What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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