He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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