I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
