I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
