You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You should frame my arrest warrant.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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