: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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