your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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