I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
