dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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