we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
