I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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