we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
