what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
