Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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