Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
