you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
