he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
