Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
