I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
