The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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