Dude my mom stole all your condoms
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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