So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
