wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
