mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
