she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We got so high we made milksteak
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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