is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize