I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize