I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize