Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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