I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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