We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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