smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
