none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
