He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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