Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
