he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
