Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
