no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
