I want to make a zoo with you.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
