Can Purell be used as lube?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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