I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
