dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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