But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
