oh god the rape fog is back!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
this is an emotional support booty call
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
