I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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