benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
