I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
