Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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